I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
