oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
