Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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