so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
