It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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