***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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