I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
