'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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