Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just puked most of my soul out..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
