New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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