So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
