Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
