tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
