Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
