I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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