is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
