My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
from now on my penis is your penis
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
