There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
