another moral hangover. fuck.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
