Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
