tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
