we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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