woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
