He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
