And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
