she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
