Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
