I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There are leaves in my underwear?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
