I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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