I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
