pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
