What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
