Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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