Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
