Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
