When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
