I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
