HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have aggressive nipples.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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