I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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