His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
