garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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