i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just gift wrapped bread.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
