I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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