I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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