So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
