and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize