I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
