What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There r osticjed everywhere
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
