Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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