is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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