the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
