thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
