I wish I only lived at night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
