I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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