all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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