is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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