You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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