Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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