problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize