so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
