I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
