oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I will pee on everything he values.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
