rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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