If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
