You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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