Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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