I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
