You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I cannot find my penis.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
