On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
