The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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