Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize