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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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