I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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