party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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